My name is Christine, and I miss writing.
Why, do you ask? Because right now (write now?), I am stuck in my least favourite part of writing: revisionland. Now, there are some pluses to revisionland. I like knowing that I am making my work better. I like fixing the commas and the periods and the colons. I like helping characters grow and change. It can be fun.
The first hundred times.
Then, it just gets boring. And every time I look at my book again, I still see commas in the wrong place and a character that is not quite in place. This is always going to be the case, even if I eventually get this book published. I am okay with it not being absolutely perfect. So why can't I just finish it?
I think I am just, simply put, a worrier. I am worried about whether my plot makes sense. I am worried about whether the book is even compelling. I know my book cannot be perfect, but I want it to be as close to perfect as it can be. When you are trying to chase a dream, after all, you know it is going to be work. And I have worked. The characters have changed, and they have settled a bit. I know them for the most part, even though my passive-aggressive main character who still refuses to grow a backbone is driving me crazy (he is probably 80% of my problem right now). (The issue with writing teenagers is that they don't know their weaknesses yet, so you're stuck dealing with someone who refuses to acknowledge that he resents his siblings and is underachieving for attention.)
But the art of letting go...that is tricky. I don't want to let go, to a certain extent. I always, always have to do one more rewrite. One more rewrite to add more mystery. One more rewrite to work on more character. One more rewrite to help with the word count. I always need one more rewrite.
So I am stuck in revisionland, while the back of my head is simmering with plots and ideas and a desire to, once again, open a new word document and got lost for a little while. It is hard to get lost when you are worried about syntax and characterization. But when you can ignore the little things, and just enjoy the first draft--that is what I live to do. I am a writer, not an editor, when things are cut down to it.
So I miss writing. And I want to start book two. But my last rewrite will always beckon....